The Fantasy Trap (ADHD Activation Energy)
How to find your compass after getting lost in your thinking
I drove my Mom crazy as a kid. My homework was to write a few sentences. I would sit in front of the blank page - with the desire to get my homework done but something short-circuited in my brain not supplying the energy to bring the pencil to paper.
I would mentally practice and could even speak complex sentences that included the needed words. When I had enough energy spiraled up - I would share a verbal sentence. And my Mom would say exasperated… “well, that's great - now write it down…”
I put the pencil on the paper and my struggle with scratching readable letters stole my well-crafted idea to the most simple sentence with the fewest words possible.
“Be ready to pay the price of your dreams. Free cheese can only be found in a mousetrap.” ― Paulo Coelho
Looking back on this, I notice thousands of times in my life - when I didn’t feel the energy to do the task at hand. So I would add creative inspiration with my imagination to what I could do - until it generated a good feeling (of mental accomplishment) - and often the time I had to do the task had passed. This became the trap. I trained my brain to go to fantasy land when ever I felt stress.
The creative imaginative process became its own reward and kept me from taking small steps that would improve my life.
The dark side of the trap is these exercises in imagination left me feeling like a failure because of my lack of progress on all these HUGE ideas. Not only did I not make progress on the small thing. I had turned the small thing into a big thing - making the distance and scope of my failure feel far more vast and disappointing.
“Knowing where the trap is—that’s the first step in evading it.” ― Frank Herbert, Dune
Finding Your Compass (After getting lost in thought or social media)
Last night - the plan was to write when I woke up. The reality of the morning - no writing till now. There was a scrolling on the phone, futzing around, and a good solid 20 minutes fantasizing on breakfast adventures . Thank goodness some of the things I follow make me feel guilty for not taking action. What happened was a task switch. I put my phone down stood up, got a cup of coffee and came back to my computer and started writing.
The reality behind that action would surprise many - and to a few of you it will seem like a wish come true. If you’ve never been trapped in a time loop enjoying small micro rewards for hours, days or months - you might not be neurodivergent. To be able to do something that comes with a delayed reward can be very challenging to sustain.
I’ve started thousands of projects. I’ve finished very few. With a history of failing to finish - it gets easier and easier to doubt my ability to believe in my capacity to create completions. To help with that I' have a file of things I’ve finished, like the diplomas, certifications, a few trophies for completing competitive speeches. With object impermanence - I need physical, in plain sight, reminders that I do indeed have the capacity to finish projects.
The Compass Rule
To find your way when feeling lost - follow the compass rule.
The compass has one magnetized arrow - this means that to make progress on going in any direction - you need to keep calibrating your orientation and stay focused on one direction.
Is my activity heading in the direction I want to be going?
Once you calibrate your compass (your purpose) - you choose, and continue to choose your direction (attention) of activity.
To make it easier you can sight something in the distance that is in the direction you want to travel. That landmark can give you real time feedback that you are making progress toward the direction you chose to go.
My example. I want to write a book. I have limited time to write every day. My hypothesis is that a better life includes completing projects that serve a greater purpose than myself (like writing a book). So in this field of time - I orientate my compass on creating a better life, and choose to write in this hour. And when my phone bings, or a horn honks, or I need to use the restroom - I need to return to the writing - until the metaphorical accomplishment in the distance is done - in this case - completing this article.
Did it take supplements and coffee to fuel my energy to write this? Yes.
Did I need to take walks, do a few pushups, and meditate to clear my mind to focus long enough on this? Yes.
Do I have a history of writing articles, publishing them and feeling good about it? Yes.
Did I change my diet so I have the ability to focus more and feel less tired? Yes.
Did I get a good night sleep last night? Yes.
If any one of these was a little off — would my chances of finishing this go down? Big Yes.
Maybe you can strike a bargain with the distracting part of your mind… “Hey, I see you are serving up the good stuff again, I love it and want to live it. Can we focus for 15 minutes on X before we explore fantasy land again? Because a little bit of focus can keep you hiking in the direction of a more purposeful and fulfilling life.
And yes I do believe that 15 minutes of consistent improvement done daily will benefit your life, just as compound interest will benefit a daily small investment of money.
May you find and hike an adventure worth sharing.
